


Little Red Riding Hobbit

by Aida



Series: 30 Day AU Challenge [8]
Category: Little Red Riding Hood (Fairy Tale), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Fluff and Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-21 01:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/Aida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gandalf falls ill, Belladonna sends her son, Bilbo, into the woods to gift him some things to help him get better.</p><p>Little do they know what awaits him there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Red Riding Hobbit

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to do an Aladdin-esque fic based off this prompt, but as I thought about, I decided that "naaaah, it'll be more fun this way!"
> 
> And so there you go: an image of Bilbo as little red riding hood, cape, basket, and all. That, and Dwalin with flannel.

Bilbo always dreamt of going on an adventure. Loved the idea of seeing far-off places that he had only read about in books. His mother’s friend, Gandalf, always tried to encourage him and told him of his own. He was a mysterious man, with a house far into the woods that he rented from a farmer named Beorn. He wasn’t there very often, however, for he still travelled quite a bit for such an old man. Bilbo and his mother didn’t mind, though, for Gandalf would always visit them and tell them both of his adventures, leaving Bilbo starry-eyed and wistful and his mother amused.

This time, however, when Gandalf returned, he went straight for his house in the woods. This time, he came back from his travels quite sick.

Bilbo was miserable, for he always thought of Gandalf as practically invincible. To think that he was sick, terribly so, made him hope that he would get better soon.

Belladonna, seeing her son’s concern and feeling quite concerned herself, put together a basket filled with soup, biscuits, teas, medicine, and homemade jam. She then gave Bilbo her old red hooded cape that she used to use on her own adventures when she was young and asked him to deliver the basket to Gandalf as a present. Bilbo was more than happy to do so, and relished the thought of having his own small adventure. He never travelled to Gandalf’s house before, barely dared to step foot into the woods that surrounded their village, so it was bound to be a grand adventure indeed.

Belladonna walked her son to the edge, and before Bilbo could even make it into the treeline, she pulled him aside and gave him a warning.

“Be careful, my love. A great beast lives in these woods, and he’s greedy for any food that could be won easily. Do not fret, for he should not find you if you stick to the path. So do not stray! Lest the beast try to sneak you and your basket away!”

Bilbo, having gone a little pale at his mother’s words, swallowed hard and gravely nodded. “Could I then, perhaps, maybe have a weapon to defend myself?”

“And risk you losing an eye? Of course not! Now, off you go!”

Bilbo frowned, because his mother’s logic seemed quite skewed, but began his trek along the path regardless. 

As he walked, he examined his surroundings, and found himself a little taken aback. The trees were tall, reaching into the sky, and so broad that a Took family could live in one in comfort. The grass was lush and fragrant, patched with vibrant wild flowers. The mushrooms and berries looked plump and mouth-watering, but Bilbo did not dare to eat them, for he wasn’t very knowledgeable with what was edible and what was deadly. There were rabbits, squirrels, and sweet little foxes that danced around his feet, fascinated by the newcomer that had entered their home. 

This forest was not foreboding, and Bilbo began to skip along as the birds chirped overhead. In fact, he found that he quite enjoyed the forest, and he so desperately wanted to run through the grass to pick the flowers and play with the rabbits, but he remembered his mother’s words, and resisted the temptation.

Just as he was wondering if elves lived in the forest, like what his cousins spoke of, a tall figure emerged from the shadows. Bilbo stopped, for the figure looked human, even though his hair looked like fire and his eyes seemed to glow, and the shadows that played behind him made it look like he had wings. 

“Well, hello there.” The stranger greeted. “What are you doing out here on your own?”

Bilbo frowned as he tried to remember what his mother once told him to do when confronted with strange older men. “I’m off to visit my friend.” He explained, tightening his grip on the basket. “He lives in the woods, and is very sick, so I’m going to give him some medicine to help him get better.”

Bilbo stiffened when the great figure sniffed the air near Bilbo, then began to circle him with a curious look in his glowing eyes.

“That’s not all you have there,” The man stated, and Bilbo gulped. “I smell rich chicken soup with carrots and onions. Fresh biscuits, both sweet and savory. Fragrant herb teas, and huckleberry jam. Quite a delectable amount of food for a small boy and an old man, don’t you think?”

“I… I wouldn’t know…” Bilbo muttered, clutching the basket he held more tightly to his person. “I… I was just asked to deliver this to him.”

“Well, I’m sure he wouldn’t notice some things missing, now would he?” The man purred, and Bilbo shivered in fear when he swooped in low, reaching for the basket. “Perhaps I can ease your burden and take some for myself? I am awfully hungry, and those biscuits in particular smell particularly divine!”

As he wracked his brain for a means of escape, his mother’s words of wisdom finally entered his mind. Recalling exactly what she taught him, Bilbo let out a battle cry and, after a bit of maneuvering, delivered a swift kick between the man’s legs. 

As soon as the man had howled and crumbled into a heap on the ground, Bilbo ran down the path, as fast as his little legs could carry him, clutching his basket close to his chest as possible.

When he heard a howl, he looked back, only to run straight into a giant wall of flesh.

Bilbo wheezed and bounced back, only to be caught roughly by the hood of his mother’s cape. 

“Watch where you’re going, laddie.”

Bilbo blinked then, gazing up at the large, broadly muscled man before him. He had stern-looking bright eyes and a blue beard, dressed in flannels and two axes strapped to his back.

“I-I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to. I-…” Bilbo muttered, floundering a little. “I… there was a man, you see. He tried to steal my basket to eat what’s inside, and… and I think he would’ve tried to eat me.”

The large man frowned. “There’s only one creature in these woods that would do such a thing, to my knowledge, and that is the beast Smaug.” He groused. “You’re quite lucky to have gotten away without a scratch! How did you manage that?”

“I kicked him in the balls!” Bilbo replied, biting back giggles when the man sputtered at him.

“How does a young lad like you know such language?” He asked, looking quite shocked. “You look barely a tween!”

Bilbo huffed. “I’ll have you know that I’m only five years away from being an adult, sir!” He snapped. “I am not a child!”

The large man raised his hands in defense. “My apologies.” He said, and Bilbo felt himself relax a little. “I am Dwalin, son of Fundin, and woodsman of these parts. What is your name?”

“Bilbo.” He replied, not wanting to give the stranger his full name. “And I am just trying to get to my friend Gandalf’s house to gift him medicine. He’s quite sick, after all.”

Dwalin’s eyebrows rose, then. “Gandalf? The crazy old bat that always goes in and out of the woods? Well, then!” He said, adjusting the straps that harnessed his axes. “If you’ve got Smaug on your tail, you’ll need protecting. I can escort you, if you’d like.”

Bilbo grinned, for this man did not seem as foreboding as he looked. “If you don’t mind, Mister Dwalin, I would like that very much.”

Dwalin grinned, waving his hand for Bilbo to take the lead. “Not at all, Bilbo, and it’s just Dwalin, please.” He answered, and Bilbo’s grin widened. “By the way, Bilbo, why on earth are you out here without a weapon?”

“My mother said I’d poke my eye out.”

“And yet she’s willing to let you venture out into this dark wood all on your own?”

“It doesn’t make sense to me, either.”

As they continued down the path, Bilbo and Dwalin continued to converse. Bilbo learned a great deal about Dwalin, and found that they had a surprising amount of things in common. They shared a love of books, good biscuits, and the thirst for adventure. They also hated turnips and annoying family members (brother for Dwalin, and a number of Baggins cousins for Bilbo). 

By the time they reached Gandalf’s home, Bilbo was a little sad to see Dwalin depart. But after promises to stay in touch, they eventually said their farewells, Bilbo finally told him his last name, and they parted. 

“Gandalf?” Bilbo called as he knocked on the door and got no reply. “Gandalf, it’s me! Bilbo!”

“Bilbo?” A voice called from the other side before coughing rather extravagantly. “Oh, do be a dear and come in! I’m afraid I’m too old and weak to get the door!”

Bilbo frowned, for it did sound a bit like Gandalf, but he knew from experience that the old man was far too stubborn to let something like old age or sickness stop him from living his life. Wishing that his mother wasn’t peculiarly paranoid, and that Dwalin would’ve left him with one of his grand axes, he opened the door with caution, frowning at the darkness that greeted him.

“Gandalf…?” Bilbo called softly, stepping in and shutting the door behind him.

“Up here!”

Bilbo’s frown deepened, for Gandalf sounded rather odd indeed. Before trying to venture upstairs, he saw that his old friend kept some kitchen knives out on the counter. After grabbing one, he slipped it into his belt, hiding it under his mother’s cape, before finally braving the stairs. One of the upstairs rooms was open, so he quietly crept in. 

He saw Gandalf lying out on bed, but Gandalf looked as strange as he had sounded. His face was smooth when it was once wrinkly, and his gray hair had little wisps of fiery red. Not to mention that his gray eyes now glowed a golden yellow.

Oh, Bilbo truly wished he kicked the beast in the balls much harder, now.

“Oh, Bilbo, my dear boy!” ‘Gandalf’ cried in delight. “So good to see you! And look, you’ve brought a delicious looking basket! Come! Come sit by your friend!”

“Why, Gandalf…” Bilbo muttered as he stepped closer. “What glowing eyes you have!”

“Well, all the better to see you, my dear Bilbo!”

“Oh, Gandalf…” Bilbo stated slowly, loudly, even as he reached for the knife. “What smooth skin you have!”

“The wrinkles got in the way!” He said. “All the better to look younger, my dear Bilbo!”

“Oh, Gandalf…” Bilbo said, fisting the knife’s handle tightly. “What bright teeth you have!”

“All the better to _eat your food, my dear Bilbo!_ ”

With a loud roar, the disguise ripped away, revealing a rather angry-looking Smaug as he bared his bright, surprisingly large teeth as his pupils shrank down to slits.

Bilbo pulled the knife just as Smaug lunged, but all froze when someone from downstairs let out a mighty bellow, storming up and bursting through the door.

“Dwalin!”

Indeed, the large woodsman was there, brandishing his axes and snarling as all get-out. To Bilbo’s relief, Gandalf was behind him, nose red and eyes bleary, but looking rather perturbed and unharmed.

It seemed that Dwalin, as he was leaving, had also heard how strange Gandalf sounded. So, feeling a protective surge go through him, he stepped inside the old man’s home not long after Bilbo had gone upstairs. Hearing some racket from the pantry, he had opened it to reveal Gandalf himself, bound and gagged. Upon freeing him, Gandalf revealed that he was attacked when he answered the door, clonked on the head and tied up. He had just woken up when Dwalin crept through, and feared the worst for Bilbo.

Now, Smaug was cornered, and the terrifying beast looked quite terrified himself.

“No, wait! Please!” He cried as Dwalin moved to kill him. “I did not mean harm! I just wanted some food!”

“You sure acted like that when you shoved me in my own pantry!” Gandalf cried.

“And you sure acted like it when you loomed over me to steal my basket!” Bilbo cried as well.

“Well, you, old man, had trapped me when I tried to get a rabbit for dinner!” Smaug retorted before rounding on Bilbo. “And you, Bilbo, kicked me in the balls!”

Gandalf and Dwalin winced in sympathy, shuffling their feet as Bilbo scoffed.

“I don’t know about the rabbit,” He stated. “But this food was not for you! It was from my mother to Gandalf, and he has a say in who eats it and who doesn’t!”

Gandalf sighed, rubbing his head that ached from the blow and sickness. “If we give you something, will you leave us?”

“I swear!”

“Then here!” Bilbo cried, pulling some of his mother’s biscuits from the basket and shoving them at the beast. “Take these, and don’t bother us again!”

“I will do as you ask.” Smaug replied, bowing. “I just wish I could leave the woods and not have to worry about traps, woodsmen, crazy old men, and young men with strong feet.”

“Can you not just walk the path?”

“I have tried! But the villagers keep chasing me back in!” Smaug replied sadly. “I don’t wish to stay! I have a husband and children that need me!”

“Then tell you what,” Bilbo said. “As an apology for kicking you, if you wait on the path, I shall walk with you out of the woods. The villagers would not dare to chase you away if I am with you!”

“Thank you, Bilbo.” Smaug breathed earnestly. “You are a kind, little boy!”

“I am not a little boy!”

And so, after making sure Gandalf was taken care of, and Dwalin had his number, Bilbo and Smaug walked the path back to the village as the beast devoured the biscuits with a relish. He walked him through the village and, after getting Belladonna’s biscuit recipe, he took a boat back to his home, where his beloved husband and children awaited him.

Dwalin kept in touch, and Belladonna threatened him a number of times not to hurt her son before they took walks and had many picnics together. Soon, Gandalf had recovered, and the three of them all went on an adventure of their own.

And what a grand adventure it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Police/Detectives next. AWWW YISSS!


End file.
